443 | Why is it so Hard to Relax? with Stephanie Antoine

In this episode, I open up about my personal story about seeking support to further manage my ADHD through Trauma Therapy.  I knew that this method of therapy was going to be effective and I have always been a huge advocate of therapy but what I didn’t expect was the rapid results that I experienced.       

“In total, some 20–50% of children with a history of Childhood Trauma have clinical levels of ADHD (Glod and Teicher 1996; McLeer et al.1994).” 

Receiving support for mental health is a journey, from long waits to getting the right doctor to finding the right treatment and medication that will work and also the energy that it takes to keep at it.  But once we do get the right support, magic can happen.  I am beyond grateful to have found the right support team to move through this stage of my life.  If you relate to this post and also to this episode, please don’t give up on your healing journey, keep going! I am cheering for your success. 

In this episode, I share a recent personal experience on how multitasking caused me a major personal/professional embracement.  It was a great reminder for me to be so mindful of my tasks throughout the day, and ensure I am only doing one task at a time from beginning to the end so that I avoid making errors that not only will cause a personal disappointment but also high jack my brain into a state of stress and anxiety.

In this episode, Eric is joined by Kimberly McColl, a recovering academic living in Nashville, which is where she was diagnosed with ADHD in February 2021.  Kimberly was also diagnosed with bipolar II in 2008.  Her recent diagnosis has caused her to rethink the narrative she has told herself her entire life.  Currently, she is learning more about ADHD and trying to give herself more grace and forgiveness.  You’ll hear Eric and Kimberly talk about her journey as a recovering academic, some of the key differences between bipolar I and II, the ways she experiences her ups and downs, and shares her insights about hyperfocus. Then, Kimberly shares the ways she distinguishes her experiences with dopamine-seeking with ADHD and bipolar, racing thoughts and mania, what shows up externally for her, and the positive impact community has had in her life.   Finally, she shares what a person could do if they are considering support or getting diagnosed with bipolar, how stories and narratives may be connected to memory, and the importance of being kind to yourself.  Other Questions & Topics in this Episode:  How did Kimberly get through school without being diagnosed?  What was the experience of getting diagnosed with bipolar II?  What are some of the most frustrating myths about bipolar disorder for Kimberly?  What is an experience that people without bipolar disorder may not understand?  How could a person capture the lost experiences of a period of time?  What is the first step to take if I am considering seeking support about bipolar?  Resources & Honorable Mentions: App:  –  Self-Care Bullet Journal with Goals – Mood Diary & Happiness Tracker Mentioned: Check out the Other Podcasts on the ADHD reWired Podcast Network: with Brendan Mahan with Will Curb with MJ Siemens The Executive Function Online Summit is happening on August 5-7!  Join 75,000+ families and teachers worldwide with one of the best ways to prep for Back 2 School!  Access is free from August 5-7 – Or go to to get registered!   

Eric is joined by Aran Rees, joining the show from across the pond! Aran has worked in professional development for close to a decade, specializing in self-directed peer-supported experiential learning and believes that learning is a survival skill! You’ll hear about the ways that the “why” behind the “what” we want to learn can affect the ways we learn, how our environments affect how we learn, and what is needed for genuine learning.  Topics & Questions in this Episode: How is work changing? How does the move from office-work to at-home work change the way we work?  (As of this recording), what is the average job tenure? Is the shift to learning online geared more towards compliance versus actual learning? Eric to Aran: “Whether we are trying to learn a new skill ourselves or a new job, from what you do professionally, what do we know about what is actually needed for genuine learning rather than regurgitation?”  What does learning begin with?  How does the interest in what we’re learning affect the ways we learn?  Are the goals you are pursuing actually important to you, or is this something someone else is encouraging you to do? Is it only important to you because that person is important to you? Then, is that enough of an ‘interest’ to keep you engaged? Once you’ve made a commitment and you care about something and you’ve carved out the time – what else is essential for learning a new skill or new ability?  What is Aran’s deep ‘why’ behind wanting more structure in his routines?  How can your environment affect learning? How can our environments affect our routines? What is the importance of environmental cues?  Resources & Honorable Mentions: “…I want to learn the piano, but actually I don’t want to learn the piano, I want to have learned it.” – Aran “People can’t be made to learn something they don’t care about.” – Aran Book: Book: Book:

Join the ADHD reWired Team every second Tuesday of the month for our monthly Live Q&A!  Hear all the questions in the full ad-free version of this episode when you become a Patron at $5.00 a month or more by going to adhdrewired.com/Patreon   Questions & Topics in this Episode: [00:03:41] “I was wondering if someone knows about an already existing group for business owners who have ADHD.” [00:05:02] A listener asks about setting and following through with their intentions as they are in the new phase of life: Retirement.  [00:06:57] Our listener and panelists talk about getting more physical activity.  [00:11:08] “You’re allowed to take some time to transition.” – Brendan Mahan [00:13:11] “I am a helper and I sometimes jump into helping-situations without even thinking about it.”  [00:20:20] Emily, who started their own business, asks about outcome-goals vs. process-goals for their business.  [00:25:06] “I’ve been trying to get into live-streaming, but it still feels like something’s missing.   [00:27:16] Panelists give tips on energy management and routines.   [00:30:22] “Do you have any advice for when we find ourselves frozen in total overwhelm?” [00:38:00] “…I heard you and a podcast guest lament the challenges you both have in grocery stores. Could you explain why this is such a thing for those with ADHD?” [00:43:33] “You mentioned dealing with emotional dysregulation before doing ADHD reWired’s Coaching & Accountability Groups.  I’ve only recently started coming to grips with this.  Can you say something about this and offer some suggestions in managing emotional dysregulation?  [00:49:45] A moment of Dad… Check out the Other Podcasts on the ADHD reWired Podcast Network: with Brendan Mahan with Will Curb with MJ Siemens  

In this episode, Eric is joined by Vanessa Gorelkin! Vanessa is an east-coast transplant to Arizona where she lives with her son and husband (who both have ADHD)!  She graduated with a B.A. from Brandeis University and has a masters degree in Occupational Therapy from New York University.  Vanessa is also a Licensed Occupational Therapist in Arizona, and her career spans nearly 30 years!  She has served in both clinical and executive leadership roles, works with people all over the world, and is passionate about bringing out the best in all the people she works with! Learn more about Vanessa by visiting her website at vanessagorelkin.com & find her on Instagram at @humanist_therapist  In today’s show, you’ll hear about mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), and acceptance and commitment based therapy (ACT).  Then, you’ll hear about deep breathing, using spicy food or sour candies to help regulate, setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion and resilience.  Finally, you’ll listen to ways to work on activation, sensory processing issues and the nervous system, sensory accommodations, and the importance of breaking down activities into smaller steps.   Questions/Topics:  [00:02:18] Introducing Vanessa [00:04:00] The importance of emotional self-regulation  [00:04:51] What is an Occupational Therapist (OT)?  [00:06:19] How does an OT help people with ADHD around emotional regulation skills?  [00:07:30] What is acceptance and commitment based therapy (ACT)? What about radical acceptance?  [00:08:23] What is dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT)?  [00:09:50] Living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) [00:10:52] A discussion on rejection sensitivity, BPD, ADHD, and trauma  [00:17:28] Eric asks Vanessa about the common “chief complaints” she experiences in her practice  [00:18:48] What are some examples of the skills Vanessa helps clients work with, and how does she help them do that?  [00:20:34] What do I do when my brain gets “hijacked?” and TIPP skills [00:24:59] Vanessa talks about sour and spicy for regulation  [00:27:14] Proactive skills vs. responding in-the-moment  [00:31:18] The intersectionality between anger, boundaries, and boundary violations [00:32:26] ** You need to hear this.  [00:33:03] External pressures, checking your calendar, and your right to say “no”  [00:35:15] Saying “no” when it feels bad, and therapy vs. coaching  [00:37:26] What is the OT approach for activation? [00:43:18] Sensory processing issues being missed with ADHD  [00:45:24] Does sensory processing get worse with age?  [00:49:34] Closing Thoughts  Resources & Honorable Mentions: “People sometimes get really hung up on a diagnosis… What my attitude about a diagnosis is:  It helps us understand what tools we can use, but it does not define you as a human being.” – Vanessa  “Masquerading as ‘normal’ is exhausting.” – Eric  🌟 Have you heard about our Adult Study Hall Community? Go to adultstudyhall.com to join our ADHD-friendly body-doubling community! 🌟 Interested in group coaching and want to take your ADHD management to the next level? Go to coachingrewired.com to get all the up-to-date information on the upcoming season of ADHD reWired’s award-winning Coaching & Accountability groups!